Crazy Love VS Mad Love
by Dr Harleen Frances Quinzel
Summary: What happens when the Merc With The Mouth doesn't listen to Cable and finds himself in another realm? Bewbs? Clowns? And Bats? Oh myyyyy!


**Crazy Love VS Mad Love**

 _ **Deadpool and Harley Quinn pairing**_

 _ **O/S**_

 _ **Rated NC-17 – For language, violence, abuse, explicit sexual content, etc…**_

 _ **I do not own Marvel or DC Universes.**_

 _But it's sooooo boring… (Show picture to this)  
_ The Merc thought as his friend continued to ramble on about the machine he'd built.

"Are you even listening?"

"Yeah, yeah…" he murmured and stepped inside with his chimichanga in hand.

He started mashing all the buttons curious as to what they did.

"NO WADE! DAMMIT, _YOU IMBECILE_!"

 _Shut up Summers! What does that guy know?_

 _ **YeAh WhAt DoEs He ThINk? We'Re ReTaRdEd?!**_

Page break

"HARRRRLEY!"

"Y… yes… Mistah J?"

"What is this?!"

"What's what?"

" _THIS_!"

Harley timidly made her way over to his desk.

"Yes Puddin'?"

She smiled and picked up the paper with _I love Mistah J_ written all over it in red lipstick.

"Don'tcha like it? I made it just for you!" She happily expressed.

He curled his lip and turned the paper around revealing some sort of important document. Her jaw dropped and before she could get another word out, he backhanded her. She put her hand to her cheek and staggered back.

"I… I'm sorry!"

"I don't want to hear how you're sorry Harley! Now out of my sight! I've got enough to do without you cramping my style!"  
"But… but…"  
"Harley…" he warned through gritted teeth.

She lowered her head.

"OUT!"  
"Yes, sir."

Harley hurriedly exited the room as Joker was having 'another' one of his tantrums. She drew back a breath and headed on out of the madhouse. The heartbroken jester hadn't realized those were important papers of his. All she wanted was to celebrate their anniversary. She had it all planned out – strawberry champagne, chocolates, and she even stole a naughty little red number for tonight.

"Whom I kidding?" she said behind a quivery breath and wiped her tears with the back of her hand as she walked down an alleyway.

"Face it Harley. You're just some nutso in love with psychopathic clown! Three years together and he's never once celebrated our anniversary! And I don't think he ever will!" Her tiny voice carried over gathering the attention of

"Did someone say _celebrate_?"

Harley gradually pivoted around seeing a man decked out in red and black just as she. He waved and upon her as he was crouched about one of the rooftops.

"So where's the par... tay" the strange man started to say but found himself distracted.

"Never mind! I see where it is... Come to daddy, love cups!"

With the rolling of eyes she turned back around and started walking. She didn't want to be bothered. The little clown was still hopping mad! How dare Mistah J forget their anniversary. Not that he ever remembered before. The jester came to a stop however feeling a presence directly behind her. She turned back around and saw the man making a squeezing motion with his hands directed towards her ass. He soon met the wrath of Harley's mallet. He staggered back rubbing the top of his head.

"OH _BABY,_ I'M IN LOVE! Hi! I'm Deadpool and you are…"

"Go away!"  
"Your parents named you go away? What a bunch of jerks! I mean seriously… what were you supposed to do when you got in trouble?"  
"I said _GO AWAY_!"

"Man… they really were jerks!"

She gritted her teeth and started walking at a faster pace. During this time Deadpool kept swiping stuff off people they passed by. He tried handing her flowers, jewelry, candy, donuts, and coffee. All in which she ignored. He sighed and decidedly stole a puppy from a little girl that walked past.

"HEY!" The little girl shouted.

"Hey yourself…"  
"That's my puppy! You give him back, right now!"

"NO! You snooze, you lose. It's my girlfriend's puppy now! Get your own."

The merc dropped to his knees with a groan as the little girl kneed him in the groin and snatched her puppy back. She stuck her tongue out at him and took off running.

"Kids these days! Ungrateful little shits! I hope I have one just like her one day! Maybe my soon-to-be-baby-mama will punch a couple out! Wouldn't that be awesome?! Mini-mes and shit! Man… _kids_ … I'm gonna have to get a job!"  
The merc with the mouth continued with his usual babbling – only to find his 'girlfriend' was nowhere to be found. He frowned beneath that mask of his.

"Dammit clown babes are so hard to find nowadays!" 

_How are we gonna hit that now?!_

 _ **ExAcTlY!**_

 **Way to go! You scared her off.**

 _Did not!_

 _ **HeHe ShE hAd GrEaT BeWbS! I'm GoNnA MiSs ThEm!**_

 _Baby-girl had it all! T & A I love me some T & A._

Page break

"Maybe Mistah J would like this tie… Oh and this watch… and that painting… and…" Harley continued throughout the shop helping herself to whatever she thought her prince of crime might like.

She hummed to herself as the alarms were going off and the metal bars were just about to drop down. The jester slide the bag full of goodies on through and she barely managed to slip out before the metal bars came down. She picked the bag up and saw the all too familiar blue and red lights from a distance. She went back to humming and fired off a grabble gun she'd stolen from Batman during their last encounter. A childlike giggle escaped her as she zipped onto one of the rooftops. That giggle soon faded as the familiarity of a cape was heard. She swallowed back seeing the accustomed black boots as well.

"Well fancy meeting you here Batbrain."

He reached over, snatching the grabble gun out from her hand. Then he kicked her mallet off the roof. She frowned as he placed his boot over her hand knowing she was reaching for her gun.

"What are you up to now Harley?" he questioned in that gruff voice of his.

She batted her eyes innocently.

"Why Batsy what makes you think I'm up to something?"

He nodded towards the bag of stolen goods.

"Oh… that ole thing? That's nothing!"  
"Really…?"  
She nodded and he bent down disarming her.

"Then you won't mind if I take a look inside. Now will you?"  
"Sure! You just go right ahead!"

Batman nodded and made his way over to the black bag. Harley came to her feet and was about to make her escape when he fired off some sort of device of his. She quickly fell to the ground as her feet were bond together.

"Now that wasn't very nice!" She scolded.

"Now I'm gonna be late for my dinner with Mistah J and it's our anniversary you know! He's gonna give you such a pinch!"

He sighed as he dug through the contents of the bag.

"I knew it! I'm taking you in Harley!"

She jutted out that bottom lip of hers.

"Come on now… I'm sure we can come we can work something out." She said in a rather seductive tone.

Batman made his way over and flipped her over his shoulder. Just as he was about to fire off his grabble gun, he was knocked for one hell of a loop. Thus sent Harley rolling about the rooftop.

"I saw her first! Get your own clown!"

"You again?" Harley called out in disbelief as Deadpool socked Batman in the face.

"Yeah baby, did ya miss me?!"

Batman returned the blow and Harley managed to uncoil the gadget Batman had around her ankles. She smiled once she managed to set herself free. Harley retrieved her items while the men were distracted.

"Later boys…" she uttered flirtatiously as they continued their little brawl.

Deadpool shoved Batman out of the way as she blew them a kiss and waved them off. " _MINE_!" the merc declared as he caught the kiss and put it to his crotch giving himself a little rub as he did so.

"Hmmm... yeah baby! So Harley, huh? Think she'll let me take her for a test drive? Vrrrrooom baby!" the merc humped the air causing Batman's lip to curl in disgust. _Great another lunatic, just what this city needs._ The dark knight thought to himself as Deadpool seemingly vanished.

Page break

"Load it boys!"  
Joker cocked a brow as Harley was making her way over with her bag full of gifts.

"Puddin'!"

She rushed over and wrapping her arms around him.

"Hmmm whatcha got there sweetums?"

"Kiss me and I'll show you!"

"Harley… I don't have time for your games! Now, what's in the bag?"

She puckered her lips and was waiting.

"Knock it off I haven't got all day!"

The jester dropped her hands and handed him the bag.

"Happy anniversary Mistah J!"

He peeked into the bag and gritted his teeth.

"Harley, my sweet?"  
"Yes Puddin?" She said whilst dipping her toe into the dirt all cutesy like. A loud THWACK was heard.

"YOU IDIOT!"

Joker's henchmen took a few steps back as Joker was really letting her have it this time.

"Do you not like my gifts Mistah J?" She gasped with quivery voice – crab crawling away from him.

He bent down and grabbed her roughly by the hair.

"Where did these 'gifts' of yours come from?"  
Her bottom lip quivered.

"From the store…"  
"And what store?"  
"The one by the bank."  
He nodded and backhanded her once again.

"AND WHAT BANK WOULD THAT BE HARLEY!?"

She looked around gathering what she'd done now.

"ONCE AGAIN, you ruined everything! I'm sure the pigs are swarming the area as we speak!"

He continued this ranting and raving as he and his men started to make other plans. He piled up into one of the vehicles and they sped away. Harley lowered her head as she headed back into the Madhouse. She looked to the area she'd set up for their romantic night.

"Happy anniversary…" she murmured behind tears as she popped open a bottle of champagne and started to chug it down.

She popped one of the chocolates into her mouth and the tears came down even harder.

"You know normally it's the guy that sets up the date."

Harley lifted her head seeing Deadpool sitting across from her.

 _Dude, she totally wants us! Look at what she did!_

 **I know, right?**

 **ShE's A KeEper! ThIs OnE!**

Her hands bitterly folded about her chest.

"You again…" she hissed.

He nodded and popped open another bottle of champagne. Deadpool lifted his mask just enough to take a swig. Harley narrowed her eyes taking in the scars around his chin and mouth.  
"What happened to you?" She scoffed.

The merc shrugged.

"Do you like long winded tales of time?"

She shook her head no.

"Me either…"

The jester found herself giggling.

"So we should skip to the part where we make out now!"

Harley quickly put a single finger along his lips blocking his attempt. She raised her brows as he moaning out loud and making out with her finger. Harley cleared her throat and removed her finger from his mouth. She tilted her head giving him the once over. He was certainly more buff than that of Mistah J. Harley shook her head as if to scold herself on ever having such thoughts! What would Mistah J think if he walked in right now?! Her jaw dropped and she hopped to her feet. Harley pointed to the way out.

"You need to leave. Mistah J won't like you here none! Not one bit!"

"Who?"

"He's… well he's my…" she let out a defeated puff of air.

"Oh whom I kiddin'…"

She sunk to the floor and covered her face. When she uncovered her face, the merc stuffed a piece of chocolate into her mouth and pecked her on the lips. Only that peck became a full on kiss. The kiss led to a heated make out session. Deadpool had pulled her into his lap. With a handful of her ass eagerly rocked her about him. The both of them jumped to the sound of a gun being fired.

"HARRRLEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Deadpool looks to Joker then to Harley and back to Joker once again. He was taking in the ridiculous purple and green suit.

"Is he the waiter?"

Joker gritted his teeth and fired at Deadpool. The merc reared back.

"You should totally fire him Harley baby! Just sayin'! He's the worst! The fucking cock blocker!"

Yet again Joker shot at him and Harley shrieked out as it went through Deadpool's chest.

"This was a new suit you sideshow prick!"

"Stop _please_!" She shouted but was wondering why Deadpool reacted like it was nothing.

Harley took off as quick as she could and went to pry the gun out from Joker's hand. He was eyeing Deadpool down something fierce.

"Mistah J, I'm sorry!"

"You're sorry?! YOU'RE SORRY?!"  
Joker gritted his teeth and roughly grabbed her by the collar.

"YOU'RE _MINE_ HARLEY! AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT! _BOYS_! Take my squeeze and make sure she behaves. I'll deal with _you_ later…" he said darkly.

 _Yours?_

 **SHE'S OURS DIPSHIT!**

ZzZzZzZzZ

Deadpool snarled back and took out his guns as Joker's henchmen dragged his girl away. A few henchmen became human shields as Joker used them to block the merc's deadly aims. He was turning the entire place into nothing more than Swiss cheese and he wasn't about to let up anytime soon. NO… The merc was pissed. It wasn't just about getting cock blocked out. They'd taken off with his love muffin! He kept shooting until he hadn't any rounds left.

But in that mind if his … Harley was on a throne and cheering him on. There were individual life bars one was his - the other was Joker's. The words _ **FIGHT**_ were spread across the room. He nodded to himself and brought his katanas out. He pointed upon Joker with one " _ **GET OVER HERE**_!" He yelled in his best Scorpion impression. The Joker pussied out by having the rest of his men block the way so he could make his escape. During this the merc was being used as target practice. But he strut right up to them as if it were nothing. Sure it fucking hurt like hell but it wasn't anything he wasn't used to already. He sighed as their heads soon rolled on to the floor. He used one of their shirts to wipe his katana's clean. The lovesick merc looked around for any signs of his beloved sex clown.

Page break

Harley whimpered out as the henchmen dragged her into the basement.

"Put me down you big buffoon!"

"You know what the bossman said."  
"Yeah Harley, sorry but we gotta do what he says."  
She buried her face into her hands and started sobbing.  
"Awe… Harley…" One of the henchmen swallowed back full of guilt and reached out to her.

The others dropped their jaws as she took his head and slammed it against the brick wall of the basement. Harley took out a hidden gun out from her boot and aimed it at Joker's men.

"Out of my way!"

"And just where do you think you're going Harley?"

Chills ran down her spine as she spun around seeing him at the entryway.

" _Leave us_!"

His men rushed on out of the room. Joker gradually made his way over. She swallowed back as he left a trail of kisses along her neck and shoulder.

"Oh Harley… you truly are the sweetest tool in my box."

He took her hand, twirling her about. As he did this he knocked the gun out of her hand.

"You broke my heart… What should I do about that sweets?"

She lowered her head as he continued his loving mannerisms.

"Did you enjoy it Harley…?"

He breathed her in and wrapped one arm around her waist. His lips traveled along one of her arms and up along her neck.

"Did you enjoy the feeling of another man's rhubarb?"

She nervously swallowed hearing the anger rising within his voice.

"Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I bet you did! DIDN'T YOU?!

"Mistah J… I …"

"Did you want him to fuck you Harley?!"

He roughly twirled her about as though a ballerina. Joker put a finger to her lips. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and crudely kissed her. The kissing continued as he led her on out of the basement. He then led her up several flights of stairs. The building they were currently in was to an abandoned amusement park. One they'd called home for the last couple years. Joker came to a stop and licked his lips.

"You always knew how to put a smile on my face. HAHA! GET IT HARLEY?!"

Harley swore he actually had tears forming within his eyes. She reached out in hopes of consoling him. He narrowed his eyes upon her. Hers widened and a gasp fled from her lips as Joker flung his arms out and sent her flying through an eight story window.

A Tarzan like yell was heard and that's all Harley could remember…

Page break

Harley woke to some sort of humming the next morning. Deadpool was prancing around with a sexy nurse's outfit over his suit. She reached to her temples and rose in the bed.

"Oh lookie… it's the patient…" he whispered amongst himself.

He skipped on over and put a hand to her forehead.

"CLEAR!" He called out as if looking to others within the room.

Harley softly laughed as he checked her over.

"Thank God, there doesn't seem to be any signs of deflation…" He said whilst wiggling his brows.

Deadpool plopped down on the bed and rolled over facing her.

"You saved me…" Harley said looking to be in awe and somewhat stunned.

"Why throw away a perfectly good hottie?"  
The jester felt herself blushing.

"So you really think I'm hot?" she questioned flirtatiously.

"Fuck yeah!"

"Is that so Big D?"  
He reared back raising his brows beneath that mask of his.

"Big D?"

She nodded and ran a hand along his chest.

"How'd you know I have a big…" his train of thought was soon interrupted by the massive amount of cleavage he was seeing.  
"Hmmm bewbies…" he murmured as he unzipped the top portion of her suit.

The moment he had her fully exposed to him he raised the mouth portion of his mask and latched on like there was no tomorrow. Harley let out a moan as he took turns sucking on her breasts.  
"Fuck, I love your bewbs! So big! Nom-noms!" He uttered and went back to licking and sucking.

He freed his cock and was playing with it as he continued with the breasts worshipping.

"Whattaya say Big D, you wanna take Harley for a ride?"

He came to an immediate stop and looked up to see her smiling upon him a certain way.

"YES! SO MUCH!"

She snorted on this and he couldn't get her undressed fast enough. And Deadpool was most certainly bigger in every which way there was in comparison of Joker. In fact she found herself reaching over and stroking him out of curiosity. She liked how warm to the touch he was. But how he throbbed in her hand even more.

"Fuck yeah, you like playing with Big D's cock don't you, Harley baby?"

She nodded and stroked him about at an even harder and faster pace.  
"You better place me inside or I'll end up fucking your hand."

Harley cooed out as she placed him within her. Deadpool gritted his teeth and wasted no time. Once he was balls deep he started fucking the hell out of her. As for Harley she was off in the land of ecstasy.

In the very rare moments she and Joker did have sex it was pretty much wam-bam-thank-you-mam. He'd usually have her sucking him off. And he'd push her away once he gave her a mouthful. He'd adjust that tie of his and exit whatever room they were in. Same thing when it came to actual intercourse. He'd bend her over take what he wanted and be done. That was the five minutes or less special. Because of this… Harley hadn't gotten off in years. And she wasn't allowed self-gratification. The few times she tried this Joker caught her and would punish her. Telling her she wasn't allowed to play with _HIS_ toys. And she was one of them.

So at the moment she was flooding the merc's cock and he loved every moment of it. He never wanted it to end. In fact he'd forgotten Harley hadn't the stamina he had. Once he came that didn't stop him. He kept going and going. He didn't stop until his little clown passed out from exhaustion. He got this egotistical smirk about him once he realized what he'd done. He chuckled to himself as he finally pulled out.

"This is going to be so _awesome_ …"

Page break

When Harley woke later that night, she saw the merc sitting in a chair off to a corner of the room. He had on a pair of smiley face boxers and was wearing his mask. He had a bowl of cereal resting between his legs. She smiled realizing he was sound asleep. Harley quietly made her way over and carefully retrieved the bowl. She was quick to gasp out however as he pulled her into his lap. He nestled his face between her breasts and causing her to giggle. Harley curiously ran her fingers along the scars on his body.

"Hideous, aren't they?"

Thus causing her to jump and within a beat she hopped out of his lap. He reared back as she was on the ground covering herself. The merc came to his feet.

"Whatcha doing down there?" He questioned with confusion as he was scratching his nether regions.

He plopped down beside her on the floor and laid back, looking to the ceiling.

"So… that thing we did… you know last night? We get to do that like a lot, right?"

Harley looked upon him oddly but nodded. He'd this massive grin on his face.

"SCORE! Man, my girlfriend is awwwwwessssome!" He sang the last part.

"So what do you want to do today?!" He questioned rather exuberantly.

The clown shrugged. She'd never been asked that before. She watched curiously as he hopped up and stripped down. Still he left his mask on as he headed into the bathroom where he did his business and showered. She timidly made her way in and giggled amongst herself as he was singing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline in the shower. But as Harley gazed into the mirror - the smeared makeup followed by the cuts and bruises along her face, only reminded her of what Joker had done. Her small hands balled up into fists. This was a madness she'd never known. All she could think about was sweet revenge. She turned towards the shower seeing the merc's silhouette. His butt was swaying back and forth.

"We can do anything I want?"

"Sure can Harley baby!"  
"You really mean that?"

He nodded.

"Well… it depends on whoever's writing this shit. I swear between the Doc and Bertie…"

"What?"  
He drew back a breath.  
"Right… hehe good times!" Deadpool said behind a chuckle.

"Whatever you want babe, I'm game!" 

_Like we would EVER say that shit!_

 **Well he did just get laid… Sounds about legit to me.**

WhOa ThE tIleS aRe BlUe NoT bLaCk!

"Huh, they are really are!"

"What was that Big D?"

 _Hehe Big D! Awesome!_

 **Yeah she loves the cock!**

NoPe I wAs WrOnG tHeY aRe BlAcK!

"I want to kill my ex."

The shower curtain swung open at this.

"Let's do this!" He says somehow having guns in his hands; even though he was butt naked and soaking wet.

"Well aren't you just the sweetest thang?"

He let out a nerdy like chuckle.

"Yeah I am!" Deadpool remarked whilst humping the air.

The merc however found himself struck stupid as he stepped out of the shower. Standing before him was one hell of a knock out with blonde hair. Instead of Harley Quinn, he was seeing the doctor in all her glory and washed up face.

"DOUBLE SCORE! HOLY SHIT!" He made a fist pump motion.

"It's like fucking two hawt chicks!"

Harley laughed as he grabbed ahold her and twirled her about happily.

"I'd show you mine but no one wants to see that ugly motha'fucka'."

She narrowed her eyes and reached over lifting his mask. He shook his head and stopped her.

"Don't do it. Here look at the Big D instead!"

His eyes widened as she reached down petting his cock whilst prying the mask off. Once it was off he stood there like a scared pup. Her arms wrapped around him as she kissed him. She didn't even react to the way he looked. After the kiss she went and showered as well.

He looked in the mirror with a disgusted look.

"Dude, she's nuts! That's so hawt!" He murmured to himself.

Page break

"Nice place by the way…" Harley commented once she stepped in the living room fully decked out in her usual wear.

He shrugged. Little was she aware that it was an apartment of a local thug. One of Joker's at that. Deadpool had taken it upon himself to end the thug's very existence once he entered this realm and took over from there. Just as the merc was unaware of the robbery that had taken place a couple blocks down. A girl's got needs right? She couldn't very well go without her makeup and other womanly accessories - along with a little petty cash.

"But she felt naked no matter what…"  
Deadpool was polishing one of his guns as Harley was pacing about pouting.

"Awe what is it my little love muffin?"

"He took all my toys. How am I going to play now? Do you know how hard it is to rob someone at Butterfinger point?!"

"No. But I am willing to test this theory,"

"Oh good one!"

"I know, right?! So can we?"

She giggled and crawled into his lap.

"So today's agenda… Kill _IT_. Get my love cups toys back…"

She nodded whilst running a hand along his chest.

"Do I get to see your bewbs again?"  
She nodded once again and flashed him as he placed a clip into one of his guns.

"Awesome! I love bewbs!"

Page break

Harley stomped about the Madhouse furiously. From the looks of things Joker was gone. In fact everything but her personal belongings was. When entering their old room she saw her picture had throwing knifes and darts throughout it. His was still intact with the lipstick heart around his face. Harley gritted her teeth and her face flushed over. She grabbed her mallet and took it to his picture. She beat that wall in until there was nothing left of it. Afterward she began destroying everything in site.

Deadpool hummed to himself as he observed her tantrum. He shrugged and retrieved a banana from his suit. He peeled it then kicked back against a nearby wall and ate it.

Harley went through each area of the Madhouse. When she ran out of steam with her mallet; she grabbed her guns out and started shooting.

The merc nodded to himself as he had a box of popcorn in hand now.

Once Harley was done venting she made her way over.

"Nice doorknobs!" He commented with a nod towards her guns.

He took a bit off a hotdog and offered her a sip of his soda.

"Huh, sooooo that was a bust. How about we go to the zoo?"

"The z…" she started to question as he grabbed her and they were suddenly at the gates.

"How'd you…?"

"Come on babe! We'll miss the bear feeding! Oh and you should see these dogs. They're always laughing!"

"Dogs?!"

"Yeah! I love those guys! This is the weirdest zoo I've ever seen. I mean really - who keeps dogs at the zoo?"

Like an eager child he took her hand and started showing her the exhibits. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been to the zoo. They gathered odd looks as they walked about. But neither took notice. They were too engrossed in one another. Deadpool saved the 'dog' exhibit for last since it was his favorite. He had hopes it would he hers too. Harley smiled once she realized what he thought to be 'dogs' were actually hyenas. They were pacing about and laughing. Her hands wrapped around the bars.

"Awe, aren't they just the cutest things?!"  
He nodded and was trying to call one over to them.

"Here boy! C'mere! Let the hawtie pet ya!"

"Ohhhh look!" Harley pointed one of them out that was making their way over.

Her jaw dropped as Deadpool suddenly appeared in the exhibit. The hyenas sniffed the area around him. He hunkered down and kept calling to them.

"Come on now. Ya little bastards…"

They both ran up to him and he hurriedly took out a couple of collars and placed them on the hyenas. He had matching black and red collars to go with it. One of them growled at him as he forced the cage open leading them out. He boxed that one on the nose.

"No treat for you! Don't be an ass! Go now meet your new momma!"

Harley gasped out as he handed the leashes over.

"For me?!"  
He nodded with a huge grin and pecked her on the cheek.

"Yeah, I tried to get you a puppy but that little shit was being entirely too selfish!"

"Awwweee Big D!" She squealed. They were growling however as she bent down and hugged both their necks so tight they let out simultaneous yelps.

"I just love them to bits."

He chuckled and placed his arm around her as they were heading out of the zoo.

"Now let's go home… I bet they're hungry! Aren't you boys?!"

Page break

Harley squealed out as Deadpool flipped her over his shoulder once they got inside. The merc tossed the bag of tacos and chimichangas onto the coffee table. He pointed to the hyenas.

"You two behave! Or no nom-noms for you! Ka-peach?"

He headed into the bed room and tossed her on the bed. There was only one thing that could get in the way of Deadpool and food. Harley covered her mouth with a giggle as he jerked the bottoms of her suit down and exposed his lips and dived on in. She arched back with soft coos escaping those lips of hers. And that's what he was going for. Hearing her moan gave the merc a big head in every which way. And he remembered the way she came last night. He'd been aching for a taste. And it didn't take long. He lapped her sap up with a never ending grin planted on that face of his.

"Fuck yeah…" he murmured against her clit as she was practically humping his face.

That had him driving his tongue in further and lapping about at a more rapid pace. Harley squealed out as the merc flipped her about. He got her positioned to all fours and gave her a firm slap on the ass before entering that slit of hers. The horned up merc reached around cupping her breasts as he fucked her. She wiggled that ass of hers and he raised his brows giving her another slap. Something he soon learned she enjoyed.  
"You like Big D's spankings?"

"Yes!"

His cock swelled up and he gave her one more popping before he came.

"Hehe… you like spankings! That's fucking awesome." He froze however as she was busy at the moment.

"Hmmmm…" He hummed and observed as she was bathing his cock with her tongue.

Harley giggled as she got him so worked him he blew another load into that mouth of hers.

"We should do this like all the time!" He exclaimed once he tucked himself away.

"Like after we eat!"

Page break

Harley covered her mouth with a gasp as she entered the room behind Deadpool. He was covering his face and sounded as though he were sobbing. The bag of food had been removed from the coffee table and was chewed through. All the contents of the bag were gone. The hyenas were laying on their backs with engorged tummies and their tongues were hanging out of their mouths. Harley brought the merc against her chest doing her best to comfort him.

"The tacos! And the chimichangas! WHHHHY?!" He continued to sob and was nuzzling against her bewbs.

"Awe… I'll go get you some more okay Big D?"

He sniffled back.  
" _Really_?"

She nodded.

"God, you're sooo hawt…" he muttered behind a tearful gasp.

Harley started out the door but not before pointing to the hyenas scolding them.

"Bad boys! _Bud, Lou_ … I'm very disappointed!"

She slammed the door on the way out and the hyenas started laughing.

"It's not funny, you jerks!"

Page break

"Alright Mr. Stingy, hand it over. That's Big D's chimichanga!"

The man's hand shook as he nervously placed the chimichanga into the bag. Harley looked around the restaurant.

"And give me that basket of mints… and a soda!"

The man nodded as she waved her gun about. She was sitting on the counter kicking her feet about in a childlike matter. She had a wad of gum in her mouth and was smacking on it. Harley hummed amongst herself as she waited for her man's food to be ready.  
"H… Here you go Harley."  
She smiled and pecked the man on the cheek.

"Thank you!"

His eyes widened as she patted him on the head with her gun. Each of the employees looked upon one another wide eyed.

"Was it just me or was she being 'nice'?"

One of the men shrugged.

"If you call being held at gun point for food nice…"  
"Nah… there was something… _different_ …."  
"Whatever you say boss. Aren't ya gonna call the police?"  
"Those knuckleheads? What are they gonna do? Show up an hour later and go on about how they can't find her or replace our losses? Besides none of us are dead. Let's just take this as a win/win!"

Page break

 _ **After a couple days of fast food, mind-numbing sex, and teaching the 'dogs' to behave…**_

Harley entered the apartment to find Deadpool had crashed with Bud and Lou.  
"Aweeee." She whispered and went and found a blanket.

She covered the three of them up and pecked each of them on the forehead.

"Like one big happy family…" Harley murmured with a smile.

Still, that twinge was there. That need for revenge and at the moment nothing was truly appeasing it. Every time Joker entered that mind of hers, she envisioned the most violent of deaths. She wanted him to suffer – the way he'd made her suffer all those years.

Harley grabbed a napkin and took out one of her lipsticks.

 _Big D,_

 _Went to find the ex so I can kill him… Your food is in the microwave. Remember to take Lou and Bud on a walk and feed and water them. I will be back soon –_

 _Kisses,_

 _Harley_

 **(Sorry folks I haven't posted anything in a few days due to food poisoning. Not a fun ordeal.)**

 _ **(This will be a short story- maybe 2 or 3 more chapters. This story is in dedication to my husband. Happy birthday Wade baby! I love you! And hope you enjoy xox's)**_


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